9.3.10
8.3.10
3.3.10
tipping the scale.
During the course of the documentary that I've begun filming profiling life outside of my comfort zone.. or "homelessness" if you will, I've come to know myself so much more through blessing others. A gift from someone who seemingly doesn't have much to give. We pass by the unfortunate day to day.. Never giving thought to their struggle.. Mainly caught up with what's on our menu for today.. Literally and figuratively. I'm not the biggest humanitarian, or even the most religious out of the bunch.. But with so much in my hands in the form of blessings, how could I possibly receive bigger and better things without first letting something go? ..Freeing up space for what is yet to come..
One person in particular interrupted me in the middle of filming him and asked if I was happy. My first inclination was to say yes, but I hesitated.. Suddenly I was no longer the questionnaire. He repeated a little louder..,"are you happy?" I started with "..somewhat, but I could always be.." Then he interrupted and posed the question yet again. This time I remained silent. As the last car rolled past and the streetlights began to illuminate me like a spotlight.. I realized that no, I wasn't happy.. Something was missing.. And although I didn't recognize it at that point, this was going to be the start of something beautiful and more meaningful than anything I'd ever done.
To Be Continued.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
One person in particular interrupted me in the middle of filming him and asked if I was happy. My first inclination was to say yes, but I hesitated.. Suddenly I was no longer the questionnaire. He repeated a little louder..,"are you happy?" I started with "..somewhat, but I could always be.." Then he interrupted and posed the question yet again. This time I remained silent. As the last car rolled past and the streetlights began to illuminate me like a spotlight.. I realized that no, I wasn't happy.. Something was missing.. And although I didn't recognize it at that point, this was going to be the start of something beautiful and more meaningful than anything I'd ever done.
To Be Continued.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
11.2.10
reaching.
id like the preface this entry with an apology to every woman that has been in a relationship with anyone even remotely tied to the entertainment industry.
it takes a special breed of individual to handle someone with the amount of passion, dedication, selflessness, and selfishness that someone like me possesses.
that person doesnt exist.
i dont expect anyone to live up to my standards... and suprisingly, im totally fine with that. i stopped looking for support systems in the form of human beings quite some time ago. now prayer, nicotine, and 80proof substances have taken the place of the tangible.
im addicted to winning, addicted to making my dreams a reality.. and that addiction has gotten to a point where im willing to let people and places go in my pursuit of it.
its a long road of despair for those that ride in the passenger seat.. but as the driver, i know where ive been and i know where im going. and i trust my struggle enough to know that its not all in vain. sometimes you just need a backseat driver.. no questions asked, no "are we there yet's?".. just someone thats comforting when you need it.. a silent investor or sorts that you know is always there..
im tipsy. im in the studio. im living..
im doing this for you, doing this for us..
..all i ask is trust.
5.2.10
beach chair.
See I got demons in my past
So I got daughters on the way
If the prophecy's correct
Then the child should have to pay
For the sins of a father
So I barter my tomorrows
Against my yesterdays
In hopes that she'll be OK
3.2.10
gibson les paul.
if i was able to sum up my life in one song.. it'd probably be this one... initial chords to the crashing crescendo.
its also a testament to just how much music affects people. rain, sleet or snow..
one fan at a time.
2.2.10
birds of a feather.
they say misery loves company. well, so do the prosperous.
you ever notice how wealthy people generally hang around.. wealthy people? or how those who are content with norm are usually surrounded by squares in their circle?
cliche as it may be, what you put out is what you inevitably what you attract. your love life, business life, and mental exchanges are all a reflection of you. change starts within..
i once said i never had a problem with burning bridges, and i still stand by those sentiments. leaving the door open on past flames and failed partnerships only provide the comfort of knowing that you could go back if your current situation doesn't pan out the way you would have wanted it to. comfort zones are just that.. comfy.. no one wants to get out of bed most mornings, but you realize once you actually get the day started, everything else falls into place.
i had to get rid of the negativity to allow more space for those interested in growth. two years of inactivity suddenly turned into a month of growth that exceeds everything i have seen in the past 24 months.
the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..
let go of something or someone that you've been holding on to. no one said it would be easy, in fact, it may just be the most difficult task you've ever accomplished. but it only makes the pat on the back that you'll receive from yourself and others all the more rewarding.
you ever notice how wealthy people generally hang around.. wealthy people? or how those who are content with norm are usually surrounded by squares in their circle?
cliche as it may be, what you put out is what you inevitably what you attract. your love life, business life, and mental exchanges are all a reflection of you. change starts within..
i once said i never had a problem with burning bridges, and i still stand by those sentiments. leaving the door open on past flames and failed partnerships only provide the comfort of knowing that you could go back if your current situation doesn't pan out the way you would have wanted it to. comfort zones are just that.. comfy.. no one wants to get out of bed most mornings, but you realize once you actually get the day started, everything else falls into place.
i had to get rid of the negativity to allow more space for those interested in growth. two years of inactivity suddenly turned into a month of growth that exceeds everything i have seen in the past 24 months.
the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..
let go of something or someone that you've been holding on to. no one said it would be easy, in fact, it may just be the most difficult task you've ever accomplished. but it only makes the pat on the back that you'll receive from yourself and others all the more rewarding.
25.1.10
feature presentation.
Bridges Under Water still available for free download at www.musicsince86.bandcamp.com
and it begins..
sometimes you speak things into existence and then you wait. other times you speak it, wake up that morning and decide to make it happen.
its all apart of larger vision..
and it'll be televised.
hope you enjoy the show.
wise words from a decent man.
im still in the middle of the 48 laws of power and the art of seduction, but ive skimmed through this as well, and id recommend it to anybody interested in a change of lifestyle.. minutely or in the grand scheme of things
The 50th Law: 10 Lessons in Fearlessness
View more documents from Robert Greene.
15.1.10
Robert E. Lee
I was ready to wave the white flag.
Ready to move to oklahoma and just live at my aunt's house.
Boston, maybe?
Going against the grain has been my most arduous task to date. You lose friends along the way, relationships grow distant, and support systems all but disappear when little to no progress is being made.. Then it dawned on me that I was fighting a war where you are setup to fail.
A war on traditional thinking.
Whats foreign is uncomfortable. Whats uncomfortable is what we try our best to ignore. What if we embrace that change? for one second, just step out of your comfort zone to experience something brand new?.. at some point doesn't the same atmosphere, the same settings, the same people.. get bland? lose a bit of its flavor..?
Stale; "no longer able to perform well or creatively because of having done something for too long"
You react off of what you know.. but what about when what you know supersedes those around you? the old adage about taking a horse to the water, but not being able to force them to drink rings true time after time. At some point along the way, i learned to do my best at settling with haphazardness, not from myself.. but from my surroundings in general. All cliches aside, what you grow up in usually tends to stay with you no matter your locale. If you are not mentally strong enough, you will never reach outside of those four walls to discover that there is an actual world outside, and its staring back at you.
I woke up this morning feeling like it would be any other day.. then my phone began to vibrate; messages, emails, opportunities, phone calls.. all sources of motivation. all reminders that hey.. someone is listening, someone actually does "get it".. maybe its not all in vain? .. inspiration comes from the strangest places, in the strangest forms, and most of the time from people that you expect it from the least.
It made me lace up my shoes a little tighter.. I smiled a little harder when i saw the sunset.. and in those solitary moments, I came back to life.
Winning is half the battle, tomorrow bring new joys and new challenges.. I hide those encouragements in my back pocket to make sure i'm equipped. I'd encourage you to do the same.
Ready to move to oklahoma and just live at my aunt's house.
Boston, maybe?
Going against the grain has been my most arduous task to date. You lose friends along the way, relationships grow distant, and support systems all but disappear when little to no progress is being made.. Then it dawned on me that I was fighting a war where you are setup to fail.
A war on traditional thinking.
Whats foreign is uncomfortable. Whats uncomfortable is what we try our best to ignore. What if we embrace that change? for one second, just step out of your comfort zone to experience something brand new?.. at some point doesn't the same atmosphere, the same settings, the same people.. get bland? lose a bit of its flavor..?
Stale; "no longer able to perform well or creatively because of having done something for too long"
You react off of what you know.. but what about when what you know supersedes those around you? the old adage about taking a horse to the water, but not being able to force them to drink rings true time after time. At some point along the way, i learned to do my best at settling with haphazardness, not from myself.. but from my surroundings in general. All cliches aside, what you grow up in usually tends to stay with you no matter your locale. If you are not mentally strong enough, you will never reach outside of those four walls to discover that there is an actual world outside, and its staring back at you.
I woke up this morning feeling like it would be any other day.. then my phone began to vibrate; messages, emails, opportunities, phone calls.. all sources of motivation. all reminders that hey.. someone is listening, someone actually does "get it".. maybe its not all in vain? .. inspiration comes from the strangest places, in the strangest forms, and most of the time from people that you expect it from the least.
It made me lace up my shoes a little tighter.. I smiled a little harder when i saw the sunset.. and in those solitary moments, I came back to life.
Winning is half the battle, tomorrow bring new joys and new challenges.. I hide those encouragements in my back pocket to make sure i'm equipped. I'd encourage you to do the same.
12.1.10
artistic integrity
"ok uh..look.. if you wanna just keep doing the same ol thing, then maybe this idea is just not for you, i for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity, and ill tell you something else, this is the show, and we're not going to change it.."
maintaining integrity when it comes to music is one of, if not THE, hardest things to accomplish.. its a steady see-saw of money outweighing your obligations to what you consider to be "good" music.. i've had this conversation on end with many different people. listening to "the mixtape about nothing", which was my introduction to Wale, and seeing his transition as of now, brings a certain irony when re-visiting the tape.
its been said that everyone has a price.. there are so many "what if?" and "would you?" scenarios that i could think of, but how do you know how you would truly react until you have been put into that predicament?
our generation as a whole has been brainwashed by television and "popular" radio to a point where there is no standard for comparison. you could say i'm reaching, but how could you classify a gem as the best, if you had not taken the time to compare it to the same stone in its class? where is the medium for those who don't check blogs every hour, who don't keep up with the latest underground artist via nahright to know anything other than what is force fed on a daily basis?
i've been approached by artists that i feel are garbage who have heard my work, and wanted me to either give them a beat, or even buy one.. the answer has been inconsistently yes, and no. thankfully, for variable reasons, those transactions never occurred. your legacy lasts longer than any publishing check.. and the groundwork i'm establishing for myself shouldn't be constructed of any cheap nails or screws that seem appealing because they come at a great price.
"money should make you comfortable so that you dont have to compromise yourself or do anything just for money, it should give you the freedom to do what you love"
but music is a business, and it comes at a cost.. how much are you willing to spend? im in a place that i would prefer not to be in .. job wise, and career wise. both compromise my true goals in life, but in the case of my job, it provides enough income to fund what may eventually pay out to be what ive always dreamed of..
freedom of choice.
maintaining integrity when it comes to music is one of, if not THE, hardest things to accomplish.. its a steady see-saw of money outweighing your obligations to what you consider to be "good" music.. i've had this conversation on end with many different people. listening to "the mixtape about nothing", which was my introduction to Wale, and seeing his transition as of now, brings a certain irony when re-visiting the tape.
its been said that everyone has a price.. there are so many "what if?" and "would you?" scenarios that i could think of, but how do you know how you would truly react until you have been put into that predicament?
our generation as a whole has been brainwashed by television and "popular" radio to a point where there is no standard for comparison. you could say i'm reaching, but how could you classify a gem as the best, if you had not taken the time to compare it to the same stone in its class? where is the medium for those who don't check blogs every hour, who don't keep up with the latest underground artist via nahright to know anything other than what is force fed on a daily basis?
i've been approached by artists that i feel are garbage who have heard my work, and wanted me to either give them a beat, or even buy one.. the answer has been inconsistently yes, and no. thankfully, for variable reasons, those transactions never occurred. your legacy lasts longer than any publishing check.. and the groundwork i'm establishing for myself shouldn't be constructed of any cheap nails or screws that seem appealing because they come at a great price.
"money should make you comfortable so that you dont have to compromise yourself or do anything just for money, it should give you the freedom to do what you love"
but music is a business, and it comes at a cost.. how much are you willing to spend? im in a place that i would prefer not to be in .. job wise, and career wise. both compromise my true goals in life, but in the case of my job, it provides enough income to fund what may eventually pay out to be what ive always dreamed of..
freedom of choice.
6.1.10
black zombies.
i have a niche for self isolation. at times i disappear from the social scene because im repulsed by everything it represents. i think surrounding yourself with a fortress is possibly the worst defense tactic, because if it all falls down, you yourself have nowhere to run. having a daughter put a lot of things in perspective for me when it comes to females. being a producer put a lot of things in perspective for me when it comes to my listening habits. being a photographer put a lot of things in perspective for me when it comes to cherishing moments that wont ever be able to be re-lived..
everything seems so surface level, so materialistic.. is there nothing that lies beneath the surface? no graduated thinking? unorthodox means of enjoyment? i think ive outgrown the majority of those around me.. and while i watch them relish in their own lives, it gives me a certain distaste to watch the lives they lead, paths that i have taken that will ultimately lead to unhappiness. but being happy all leads back to perspective, no?
when i make music, i so willingly watch it go free, monetarily and literally because i never learned the drums because i thought one day i could actually make a living off of it. when i take pictures, i got into because i loved it, not because i figured one day i could leech off of females with low self esteem who felt like modeling would give them some sort of validity as a woman. i move off emotion, but my emotion is closely guarded by logic. but at the end of the day im human, and no matter what any guy, woman, or child tells you.. emotion is the guiding path for 99% of choices, some just have a better cape and mask to veil these decisions as logic.
ramblings aside, i just wish people felt.. like genuinely felt something.. whether it be love or hate. dont allow yourself to consummate with the norm, with the propaganda, and give in to all the world's ills.. its a hell of a road getting back to where you started.
luckily i had an escape route.
everything seems so surface level, so materialistic.. is there nothing that lies beneath the surface? no graduated thinking? unorthodox means of enjoyment? i think ive outgrown the majority of those around me.. and while i watch them relish in their own lives, it gives me a certain distaste to watch the lives they lead, paths that i have taken that will ultimately lead to unhappiness. but being happy all leads back to perspective, no?
when i make music, i so willingly watch it go free, monetarily and literally because i never learned the drums because i thought one day i could actually make a living off of it. when i take pictures, i got into because i loved it, not because i figured one day i could leech off of females with low self esteem who felt like modeling would give them some sort of validity as a woman. i move off emotion, but my emotion is closely guarded by logic. but at the end of the day im human, and no matter what any guy, woman, or child tells you.. emotion is the guiding path for 99% of choices, some just have a better cape and mask to veil these decisions as logic.
ramblings aside, i just wish people felt.. like genuinely felt something.. whether it be love or hate. dont allow yourself to consummate with the norm, with the propaganda, and give in to all the world's ills.. its a hell of a road getting back to where you started.
luckily i had an escape route.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
