späntəˈnēitē

blame it on the gorgeous weather; click there >> stylingforfree

tipping the scale.

During the course of the documentary that I've begun filming profiling life outside of my comfort zone.. or "homelessness" if you will, I've come to know myself so much more through blessing others. A gift from someone who seemingly doesn't have much to give. We pass by the unfortunate day to day.. Never giving thought to their struggle.. Mainly caught up with what's on our menu for today.. Literally and figuratively. I'm not the biggest humanitarian, or even the most religious out of the bunch.. But with so much in my hands in the form of blessings, how could I possibly receive bigger and better things without first letting something go? ..Freeing up space for what is yet to come..

One person in particular interrupted me in the middle of filming him and asked if I was happy. My first inclination was to say yes, but I hesitated.. Suddenly I was no longer the questionnaire. He repeated a little louder..,"are you happy?" I started with "..somewhat, but I could always be.." Then he interrupted and posed the question yet again. This time I remained silent. As the last car rolled past and the streetlights began to illuminate me like a spotlight.. I realized that no, I wasn't happy.. Something was missing.. And although I didn't recognize it at that point, this was going to be the start of something beautiful and more meaningful than anything I'd ever done.

To Be Continued.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

and another one.

the regeneration project.

filmed/edited by yours truly.

reaching.

trust your struggle, originally uploaded by [bstyles].

id like the preface this entry with an apology to every woman that has been in a relationship with anyone even remotely tied to the entertainment industry.

it takes a special breed of individual to handle someone with the amount of passion, dedication, selflessness, and selfishness that someone like me possesses.

that person doesnt exist.



i dont expect anyone to live up to my standards... and suprisingly, im totally fine with that. i stopped looking for support systems in the form of human beings quite some time ago. now prayer, nicotine, and 80proof substances have taken the place of the tangible.

im addicted to winning, addicted to making my dreams a reality.. and that addiction has gotten to a point where im willing to let people and places go in my pursuit of it.

its a long road of despair for those that ride in the passenger seat.. but as the driver, i know where ive been and i know where im going. and i trust my struggle enough to know that its not all in vain. sometimes you just need a backseat driver.. no questions asked, no "are we there yet's?".. just someone thats comforting when you need it.. a silent investor or sorts that you know is always there..

im tipsy. im in the studio. im living..

im doing this for you, doing this for us..

..all i ask is trust.